Tag Archives: universe


Lately I have been facing some issues with myself. A sense of hopelessness and despair swept over me Monday as I drove to work. The song Price Tag by Jessie J came on the radio, and it struck a chord inside of me. I started thinking about where I would be in the next ten years with financial success, but without any positive impact on society. I blew an opportunity to work with the government in the field I am majoring in, and that is really hard to accept. It also is unsettling to think about the person I was then and the person that I am right now. I feel like I have grown immensely, yet if I am to be honest with myself and others, my chances are virtually nonexistent for securing that same position. I can see now that it is better that I didn’t get it at the time than if I had. I really wasn’t fit for it then. Now, though, I feel like I would be so much more suitable in the position, but I locked myself out because of my own bad choices. That hurts.

Now as I set on a mission to be practical and to make a decent living doing something that is rewarding in a completely different sense, I feel empty. Like what is the point? What will money buy my soul? My track in life has shifted significantly, and I have to get used to it or be miserable. I am a black or white thinker, and if I can’t have exactly what I envisioned for myself, I feel like I have nothing.

What really helped me today was reading a daily meditation that centered on facing this issue and really feeling it. I sat for a few minutes on my toilet and as I thought about it all, I burst into tears. How could I have been so stupid? What was wrong with me? Where am I going now? Will anything ever make me happy? All of these questions flooded my mind and I really felt the sadness and fear that had welled up inside of me come out. I got down on my knees and said a prayer. After that, I actually felt like a lot of that burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt lighter and found a sense of clarity. That seemed to have worked for me somehow.

These kinds of things in life are inexplicable. It was a miracle that the thoughts really stopped after I asked for help from the universe…my higher power. I get so stuck in my idea of what is best for me and what I MUST do to be happy that I lose out on enjoying the here and now. I worked from home today because we got 6″ of snow, and I was able to focus and ground myself into my work. I guess part of me is always searching for something, but I pray that will slow down. I really hope that I will learn to someday be truly content with where I’m at. Sometimes I crave the highs and lows of life so much that I actually create them out of seemingly nothing. Others around me do their best to console me, but until I am able to be honest with myself about a situation and accept it for what it is, I will not find serenity in my life. That is what it comes back to.


Follow Your Heart and Play Your Part

Today was my first day at my new job at a local branding agency. I am a marketing associate, and this marks a new chapter in my life. My commute only took about 30 minutes this morning. I was very energized after my morning Insanity workout. Thankfully I am in my recovery week, so this schedule transition is smoother . Things seem to balance themselves out naturally.

I couldn’t help but think on the way to work this morning as all the cars whipped past me that I’m actually stepping into the “real world,” and I am OK with that. Strangely, I feel at ease. My office is located inside of a renovated barn, and we all work on the second floor. It is flooded with natural light, and I plan to bring my aloe plant with me Wednesday. I’ve been finding all sorts of fun gizmos and gadgets at home to bring in with me… a purple table lamp, a light up gaming keyboard… needless to say I feel very comfortable.

My office is also filled with other young adult women like myself. They are all very talented at what they do, and I have a feeling that we will grow on each other. We had some awkward moments, but I am the “new girl” for now. I have to be the best that I can be with what I have right now. I am not forcing or controlling what happens outside of me, but I am focusing on generating energy and control over what I let happen inside of me. It is both daunting and exhilarating.

The day started off slow, but that was much needed. I didn’t feel rushed or pushed to get anything done. I  acquainted myself with the office and surfed the internet looking for inspiration. I read over the PR plan for the project that I will be leading, and wrapped my brain around the big ideas  I will bring to life.

I realize that the universe has a purpose for me, and I am letting it happen freely. For so long, I thought I had my entire life figured out and I pushed and pulled tirelessly to get it to fit into that mould. I am finally at peace in just being me.

The end of my day snuck up on me as I was just starting to develop my first marketing plan.  To succeed is to accept life on life’s terms, and that is what I am doing. I believe that having ownership over my work and having the freedom to make choices makes this job  fun. It doesn’t feel like work once I get started. I feel like I am doing what I love.

I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity before me. Transitions in life and rites of passage aren’t easy, but they are worth it if we put in the effort. I believe we all share a common human experience. Whether you are just starting college, trying a  fitness program, moving to a new city, or falling in love, I hope that you follow your heart and play your part.