Tag Archives: universe

Serenity

Lately I have been facing some issues with myself. A sense of hopelessness and despair swept over me Monday as I drove to work. The song Price Tag by Jessie J came on the radio, and it struck a chord inside of me. I started thinking about where I would be in the next ten years with financial success, but without any positive impact on society. I blew an opportunity to work with the government in the field I am majoring in, and that is really hard to accept. It also is unsettling to think about the person I was then and the person that I am right now. I feel like I have grown immensely, yet if I am to be honest with myself and others, my chances are virtually nonexistent for securing that same position. I can see now that it is better that I didn’t get it at the time than if I had. I really wasn’t fit for it then. Now, though, I feel like I would be so much more suitable in the position, but I locked myself out because of my own bad choices. That hurts.

Now as I set on a mission to be practical and to make a decent living doing something that is rewarding in a completely different sense, I feel empty. Like what is the point? What will money buy my soul? My track in life has shifted significantly, and I have to get used to it or be miserable. I am a black or white thinker, and if I can’t have exactly what I envisioned for myself, I feel like I have nothing.

What really helped me today was reading a daily meditation that centered on facing this issue and really feeling it. I sat for a few minutes on my toilet and as I thought about it all, I burst into tears. How could I have been so stupid? What was wrong with me? Where am I going now? Will anything ever make me happy? All of these questions flooded my mind and I really felt the sadness and fear that had welled up inside of me come out. I got down on my knees and said a prayer. After that, I actually felt like a lot of that burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt lighter and found a sense of clarity. That seemed to have worked for me somehow.

These kinds of things in life are inexplicable. It was a miracle that the thoughts really stopped after I asked for help from the universe…my higher power. I get so stuck in my idea of what is best for me and what I MUST do to be happy that I lose out on enjoying the here and now. I worked from home today because we got 6″ of snow, and I was able to focus and ground myself into my work. I guess part of me is always searching for something, but I pray that will slow down. I really hope that I will learn to someday be truly content with where I’m at. Sometimes I crave the highs and lows of life so much that I actually create them out of seemingly nothing. Others around me do their best to console me, but until I am able to be honest with myself about a situation and accept it for what it is, I will not find serenity in my life. That is what it comes back to.

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Follow Your Heart and Play Your Part

Today was my first day at my new job at a local branding agency. I am a marketing associate, and this marks a new chapter in my life. My commute only took about 30 minutes this morning. I was very energized after my morning Insanity workout. Thankfully I am in my recovery week, so this schedule transition is smoother . Things seem to balance themselves out naturally.

I couldn’t help but think on the way to work this morning as all the cars whipped past me that I’m actually stepping into the “real world,” and I am OK with that. Strangely, I feel at ease. My office is located inside of a renovated barn, and we all work on the second floor. It is flooded with natural light, and I plan to bring my aloe plant with me Wednesday. I’ve been finding all sorts of fun gizmos and gadgets at home to bring in with me… a purple table lamp, a light up gaming keyboard… needless to say I feel very comfortable.

My office is also filled with other young adult women like myself. They are all very talented at what they do, and I have a feeling that we will grow on each other. We had some awkward moments, but I am the “new girl” for now. I have to be the best that I can be with what I have right now. I am not forcing or controlling what happens outside of me, but I am focusing on generating energy and control over what I let happen inside of me. It is both daunting and exhilarating.

The day started off slow, but that was much needed. I didn’t feel rushed or pushed to get anything done. I  acquainted myself with the office and surfed the internet looking for inspiration. I read over the PR plan for the project that I will be leading, and wrapped my brain around the big ideas  I will bring to life.

I realize that the universe has a purpose for me, and I am letting it happen freely. For so long, I thought I had my entire life figured out and I pushed and pulled tirelessly to get it to fit into that mould. I am finally at peace in just being me.

The end of my day snuck up on me as I was just starting to develop my first marketing plan.  To succeed is to accept life on life’s terms, and that is what I am doing. I believe that having ownership over my work and having the freedom to make choices makes this job  fun. It doesn’t feel like work once I get started. I feel like I am doing what I love.

I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity before me. Transitions in life and rites of passage aren’t easy, but they are worth it if we put in the effort. I believe we all share a common human experience. Whether you are just starting college, trying a  fitness program, moving to a new city, or falling in love, I hope that you follow your heart and play your part.