Tag Archives: women

Serenity

Lately I have been facing some issues with myself. A sense of hopelessness and despair swept over me Monday as I drove to work. The song Price Tag by Jessie J came on the radio, and it struck a chord inside of me. I started thinking about where I would be in the next ten years with financial success, but without any positive impact on society. I blew an opportunity to work with the government in the field I am majoring in, and that is really hard to accept. It also is unsettling to think about the person I was then and the person that I am right now. I feel like I have grown immensely, yet if I am to be honest with myself and others, my chances are virtually nonexistent for securing that same position. I can see now that it is better that I didn’t get it at the time than if I had. I really wasn’t fit for it then. Now, though, I feel like I would be so much more suitable in the position, but I locked myself out because of my own bad choices. That hurts.

Now as I set on a mission to be practical and to make a decent living doing something that is rewarding in a completely different sense, I feel empty. Like what is the point? What will money buy my soul? My track in life has shifted significantly, and I have to get used to it or be miserable. I am a black or white thinker, and if I can’t have exactly what I envisioned for myself, I feel like I have nothing.

What really helped me today was reading a daily meditation that centered on facing this issue and really feeling it. I sat for a few minutes on my toilet and as I thought about it all, I burst into tears. How could I have been so stupid? What was wrong with me? Where am I going now? Will anything ever make me happy? All of these questions flooded my mind and I really felt the sadness and fear that had welled up inside of me come out. I got down on my knees and said a prayer. After that, I actually felt like a lot of that burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt lighter and found a sense of clarity. That seemed to have worked for me somehow.

These kinds of things in life are inexplicable. It was a miracle that the thoughts really stopped after I asked for help from the universe…my higher power. I get so stuck in my idea of what is best for me and what I MUST do to be happy that I lose out on enjoying the here and now. I worked from home today because we got 6″ of snow, and I was able to focus and ground myself into my work. I guess part of me is always searching for something, but I pray that will slow down. I really hope that I will learn to someday be truly content with where I’m at. Sometimes I crave the highs and lows of life so much that I actually create them out of seemingly nothing. Others around me do their best to console me, but until I am able to be honest with myself about a situation and accept it for what it is, I will not find serenity in my life. That is what it comes back to.

Dress for Success

Another day at my new job, and my enthusiasm has not wavered. In fact, it is on the incline, which does make my brain work harder. I decided to dress my jeans up today with a tan rock tank with fringe and an eagle, a black suit jacket and black cowboy boots. I really enjoy adding one sophisticated, clean cut piece to my outfit. I feel that it gives a laid back but professional look that is what I want to convey. I’m here to rock and roll.

This morning, I experienced my first team meeting, which happened around a white board and floor rug in the middle of the office. Funny it felt like reading time in elementary school, which is awesome. I haven’t had one of those in awhile…The founder and another employee returned today from a trip to Las Vegas for a social media conference, so nearly everyone was present.  We went around and explained what we accomplished, what we are working on and what we need to do. I already feel like I am making a contribution. I pitched an idea for a collaborative “future artifact” for our upcoming event, and it was taken really well. I am so pleased to take over this project because it is something that I truly believe in, and I have so many ideas. In fact, last night I tossed and turned all night with ideas. I actually had a dream that I was giving a lesson in a large auditorium, and I was very confident and comfortable. Not sure what that means, but I think it is a positive message. I do, however, need to get a good night’s sleep, so I picked up a bottle of melatonin at the grocery store on my way home.

To make my desk more homey, I brought an aloe plant that has been hiding in my dark, cave-like room, so now it will get lots of nice sunshine; a coaster, paper organizer, some folders and other things. I brought everything in my old grocery bag from Switzerland. It is huge and has the Swiss flag on both sides. No one will ever know that it came from the cheap-o grocery store. One other employee showed me pictures on his phone of the new office that is in the works right now, and it is pretty sweet. I will have my own personal office instead of being smack dab in the middle of everyone. If all goes well, I think that would be an awesome working environment. We’re also moving to a much classier district in the city, and it is walking distance from many of my favorite restaurants including an authentic French creperie and a delicious chopped salad bistro. I am really looking forward to that, but I know that I need to focus on what is right in front of me and do the next right thing. Today, I focused on integrating mindfulness in at the office and it was a challenge. I will have to keep working on that, and hopefully I will improve slowly but surely.

Today is day four of no coffee, and it has been a difficult transition. It could also be due to my lack of sleep lately, but I am sticking to it. I am only drinking Emergen-c and orange juice (pre-workout), water and tea. My recovery week in Insanity is going well, and my coworkers and I have been able to talk about exercise and diet a bit… I plan to make a post later of “What not to do as a new hire,” so stay tuned for that.

Accepted

Last Friday, I met with Jean, the Global Accounts Director with  the branding agency I am  going to start interning with next week. We met at a local coffeehouse and cafe right around the corner from the office to discuss my role with the organization and also to discuss a recent event we worked on together. I sipped a lavender honey latte, listened intently to her speak and took notes in my leather book. The windows were foggy, and the cozy arrangement of tables and chairs lent us to hear wisps of our neighbors conversations. It was an awfully cold January day, and she wore a fur lined jacket wrapped around her neck while I had my black infinity scarf slipped around mine. We shared our fears, excitement and dreams. It is moments like this that I want to chart.

This was the third time that we have met one-on-one, and I have begun to see her as a natural mentor in my life. I am very attracted to her in the most professional sense. She has told me and others we work with that she is very impressed with my capacity to deliver great work and my level of confidence and poise. In her, I see a very hard working, loyal, beautiful and level-minded individual that I can identify with and look up to for advice and guidance. I have been reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In recently, and she has an entire chapter that talks about mentorship. Reading that chapter has really helped me understand Jean and I’s relationship. I know that she wants to see me succeed and she wants to help me along the way. That is empowering.

Yesterday, she sent me an email and called me to invite me to start this internship next week. I am so excited to jump in to this new environment and to discover how to make brands more human. I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity come my way so naturally and to feel that the universe is guiding me where I need to go. At my young age, finding a position that has no dress code and uses modern organizational theories that are only read about at swanky bookstores truly feels like a dream. I am finally understanding that I cannot force my life to be anything other than what it is. I have always been a planner, but I am now  letting that way of thinking go (to a realistic extent). I still believe that it is good to stay organized, have concrete ideas, and to make preparations (think 18mo plan), but I am now focusing on being mindful and present. The journey needs to be enjoyed just as much as -if not more than- the end.

I hope to open this blog up to the intimacies and generalities of my life as a young female professional. I want to offer experience, strength and hope to others who may be looking for their fit in the world or searching for their true passions. I am part of the group of recent undergraduates that did not become what I wanted to be when I was 18 years old, and I have taken a path less travelled to get to where I am today. I will be getting a liberal arts degree, but I am striving to be as fearless as possible.