Life as I knew it a year ago seems so far away. The world around me continues to change and I keep finding new paths to take. I could have never imagined where I would be today in my recovery, career, or social life. I feel like I am sprouting new wings of glory right now. Something inside of me that has been stuck under the muck in my soul is starting to glow again. It hasn’t been an easy job to get to this point, but I am so grateful for what I have right now.
Friday I had to call in sick to work, which was fine, but my old me felt guilt. New me felt empowered and strong. I have an upper respiratory infection that really took a toll on me last Thursday, so after going to a clinic and getting a doctor’s note, I called my supervisor to let him know I wouldn’t be coming in. I needed rest, fluids, and meds to feel better, so that’s exactly what I did all day.
My boyfriend came over that night to stay with me, and we spent Saturday and Sunday together. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am to have him in my life today. A year ago, I was so convinced that I was doomed to never being loved or even liked by another human being. I felt so removed from normalcy with other people, my anxiety and depression were at their peak, and I knew I just couldn’t do it anymore. Now, I am cherished and loved to the moon and back by an amazing guy. I am learning to truly love someone else while I learn to really know and love myself. God has blessed me to say the least.
In a few weeks, we will be moving into his parent’s home to live together for the next year. His parents are leaving the state, and they trust us to watch over their home while they finish the basement. It is a gorgeous home that will give us an opportunity to learn to live together without the added stress of rent. As much as I would like to move closer to my new job, I realize how fortunate we are to have this offering on the table. I am excited to move in with him, as it will be a major step in our relationship. I feel like I am growing when I am with him, so I can’t even imagine where we will be in a year from now!
This week also marks my first week going back to school. I decided to take advantage of my tuition remission ASAP. I really hope that I have made the right decision, but I won’t know until I try! I’ve decided to go back to study computer science. I will do the B.S./M.S. track, God willing. I was able to download/run VMware Fusion on my Mac to get Windows (for C++) and I bought my book for this semester. I feel ready to give this a go! I always think about “what if I had gone into a STEM field,” and now I have the perfect opportunity to go back and do it, so that’s the plan. I realize that the job field will be extremely good when I graduate as a woman in C.S. I am excited to report back on how my first semester goes. If it turns out to be too much work, I can either drop a class or the program, and I won’t have a lost anything but time. I know I just need to have an action plan for my health and wellness, so that I have balance in my life.
Overall, life is going well right now. There are always somethings lingering in the peripheral (like family) that I am challenged to overcome, but I know with time I will. Like anything else, as long as I am open, honest, and willing, things fall into place exactly how they were meant to.
With that, I am going to bed. Peace & Love!
LIFE 215 